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The Peter Pan Syndrome…Is it Possible to Grow Up?

I was crazy about a guy. I thought we had a good thing going. He told me I was special and I was flying a little too high. Of course, there were issues that weren’t quite right, but every relationship has to find compromise. There was a problem concerning emotional maturity and it wasn’t me that was lacking it. One day we were a couple, and the next day he was nowhere to be found.

Life goes on, and after many years, he resurfaced. We found ourselves still drawn to each other and I thought I would be able to put the past behind us. Had he grown up? Was he now ready to be more involved and less apt to run from commitment? In my case, the answer was no.

I once saw a stand-up comic explain the difference between the male and female brain. The female’s brain, he said, was continually busy connecting the dots and going off on tangents, while the man’s brain was composed of boxes with nothing interacting or overlapping. While he was funny, and we had some good laughs, I couldn’t help but think that the comedian wasn’t entirely correct. How else can you explain our ability to perceive what we desire while compartmentalizing the truth? Women have boxes too!

The guy and I both remembered the physical side of our original dating experience, so the sex was front and center. In the beginning, as those pheromones kicked in, everything was fun and I felt cared for and happy.

However, as our relationship progressed (the second time around), I found myself making excuses for his behavior. It seems I was able to let certain circumstances slide when other needs were being met.

There was a definite disconnect that could not be overcome; he kept emotional distance.

My discontent became more apparent (as I was not taking steps to move forward). I lost respect for myself, which made matters worse. Adding to my unhappiness was the realization that he was cultivating a new friendship on the side. This was a man who was unable to stay true to one woman, afraid of commitment and quite obviously, a player

Why is it that some men never grow up? I’m not alone in my thinking since many of my girlfriends have found themselves in the same position. The Peter Pan Syndrome is alive and flourishing in the dating world. Does it have to be a life sentence? Why don’t men realize the potential in sharing their feelings?

No one will deny that relationships work best when both individuals can give unconditionally: physically, emotionally and spiritually. Trusting your partner to understand and be supportive are key elements in finding the closeness and love required for a lasting partnership. We have to take a chance, perhaps a leap of faith, that the person we choose to open up with is, in fact, the right one.

In retrospect, giving my heart and soul to a man who was unable to reciprocate would have been a regressive move that would have stifled my personal growth. As far as I am concerned, any man who enjoys amusing himself by playing games and having superficial relationships has lost out on one of life’s most precious gifts.

Are You Really Ready to Start Midlife Dating?

Are You Really Ready to Start Midlife Dating?.

Are You Really Ready to Start Midlife Dating?

Remember young love? Remember saying “I do” to the man or woman of your dreams? Remember looking into the eyes of the one who you believed was THE ONE forever?

That was then; you’re older now.

Age wise, your mind and body are going through changes. You certainly haven’t given up on the idea of falling in love or a lasting relationship, but you now look at the world from a different perspective. Priorities may have shifted. Perhaps you’re on your own for the first time in many years. Like many others in a similar situation, you find your new life both daunting and exciting.

You’re back in the dating world, but it’s not how you remembered it. You go with the flow. You try on-line dating sites and social organizations, book clubs and the gym. You tell your friends that you’re ready to be fixed up and you begin the process of getting to know someone new.

But, are you really ready to start midlife dating? How well do you know yourself? Have you always been part of a couple and if so, are you still in touch with your inner self?

Many years have passed since you were out in the dating world.  Are you still looking for that heart pounding love and reckless abandon?  Is that still possible? Are you looking for friendship, companionship, financial stability, or sexual fulfillment?

Now more than ever, it’s important to be true to yourself emotionally, spiritually and physically.  Before taking the midlife dating plunge, consider asking yourself these questions.

  • Am I comfortable by myself or do I have to be scheduled?
  • Can I stay true to my desires or do I allow the crowd to dictate?
  • Do I live in the present or in past memories?
  • Am I honest with myself on all levels, even if the truth isn’t what I want to accept?
  • Can I give up control and compromise?
  • Do I take action or react to it?

And most importantly:

  • Do I need to be with someone or am I content with my life and sharing it with the right person would be the icing on the cake?

Knowing yourself and defining what you truly want in a relationship can make the midlife dating process much more manageable. I honestly believe that the better you know yourself, the better your relationship will be. And who knows, you may find that what you thought you wanted or needed isn’t really what you want or need after all!

The real thing

Emotions are strong and you are in it for the long run. What happens when you see the light and are stuck? How long do you stay? Hopefully you are smarter than me.

Married Men-forbidden territory

He is married . You like each other. How far do you take it? Can you keep your emotions in check or do you throw caution to the wind?

old friends

What happens when you have an old friend and they have changed so you no longer know who they are? Or, maybe they are still a great friend but want the relationship to change and you’re not into it?

Fix ups -matchmaking

Friends mean well and sometimes they actually get it right but I have had too many of the “are they serious?” fix ups. What do you do when you look through the peep-hole in your door wondering who rang the bell only to find he was too short to view?

Social Organization -matchmaking

I never had any luck with these organizations nor have many of the women that I have spoken with. What about you?

Old Lovers -same old same old

Why would I think anything would be different the second time around?  I guess I was hoping he might grow up…guess not

Old friends

How do the memories of old friends stack up to the reality of seeing them again?